Witty one liners?
d.kathrens@genie.geis.com
Sun, 20 Nov 94 14:38:00 UTC
Simon Haynes wrote:
>Do anybody have any witty replies to comments like;
>
> 'Lost ye' other wheel mate?'
>
>Any ideas gratefully received,
Ironic how most people seem to think we ride for their amusement...
maybe that's true, but only secondarily at least in my case. It's my
feeling that unicycling, like everything else in life, should be an
expression of positivity so I don't really want to give answers that
will hurt.
But usually when this question gets asked, no answer is expected
or even desired. You are being made the butt of a joke, which is
technically speaking, verbal abuse even if the speaker doesn't realize
it. There are a number of different responses to abuse.
Most of the time the speaker thinks he/she is being friendly in a
clever sort of way. They don't realize how unoriginal they are and how
hard it becomes to find polite replies. If the speaker is only "speaking
to hear his head rattle" then s/he will probably fail to hear or
understand it any witty rejoinder you make.
You simply have to gauge your audience when choosing a response.
0) Ignore it and ride on.
1) Smile and ride on.
2) Say "I don't need a training wheel any more."
3) Laugh maniacally and say "What a wit!" (or in some cases, twit)
4) Say "I've never heard that before!"
(varying degree of sarcasm as applicable)
5) Keep count of how many times you've heard that question and make that
number your response, ie "364!" As time goes on, people in your
neighborhood will get the message.
I got the idea for this one from an old joke about a kook jumping up
and down on a manhole cover chanting "83, 83, 83". A twit comes over
and asks why. The kook pulls the cover aside and invites the twit to
look down the hole, then shoves him in. Then he replaces the cover and
starts jumping up and down chanting "84, 84, 84".
6) "If it were up your a-- you'd know where it was!"
(and smile when you say dat--dem's fightin' woids)
Enunciate clearly from speaking distance or s/he will parse it as
"It's up my ass, that's where it is!"
I'm going to try "Real men/women don't need two wheels" next time...
Dennis Kathrens